Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, any occasion you can think of- I long for my home to be bustling with as many people as I can fit inside- and outside if the weather is nice.  There is so much joy, so much chaos, so much stress, and I love every moment of it. If I could, I would have a house full every night for dinner. That, however, is not a reality for day-to-day life, not to mention my introverted husband would probably go crazy. Adding more moments of hosting and inviting friends over seems to be doing the exact opposite of what we planned to do this year. So how do we strive to have a calm, relaxing life when our hearts yearn to fill our homes with friends and family more often?

First off, before we get into this, there are 2 sides to this coin. I know so many people who despise hosting, and to be clear, that’s ok. I think we are called to open our homes and lives up to be hospitable, but that doesn’t mean you have to host all of the holiday events! Come on over, I have tea and snacks! Whether one-on-one conversations are more your vibe or texting conversations that span over weeks. However, you can be hospitable, find that, and do it! Being hospitable without inviting people into your home involves focusing on acts of service, intentional conversation, and warmth in public or shared spaces. We will talk about this in another post in the near future. Today, however, we are going to focus on those who host one or more gatherings a year.

As I said, 2 sides to the coin, this is where I land, the other side, as do some of you. Hosting is lifegiving to me. Sharing meals, conversation, and laughter in my home; it is so lovely. I struggle with balancing the overplanning, procrastinating, and worrying that everything will go smoothly. Weeks before, I make my plans, and then the day or two before, I push all of my to-dos until right before, and somehow it comes together, but not calmly.

We are called to be hospitable.

Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.

~1 Peter 4:9

So, back to the question, how do you host all the events you want while still honoring the slower living and our commitment to only planning half of the weekends of the year? We can- truly, host in a laid-back, less stressful way.

As Jenna from JustHomemaking.com said, “Hospitality is about connection, not perfection.”

We need to take a step back and reevaluate what hosting means to us. Do we want people over so we can show off what we have? Do we want the compliments for the food and the hard work that was put into the evening? Do you want people who like YOU more? It is so easy to fall into the wrong reason to host- trust me, I struggle with this too! Let’s begin by shifting the reason to growing our tables longer, not our walls taller. I would love to hear how you are growing your tables longer.

For us, this looks like dinner with friends, welcoming new folks into our friend circles. Saying Hi to those we pass on our walks. There are so many ways to be inviting without overly committing to filling out your calendar.

I challenge you to make a week day dinner plan for 1 day in the next month. Something easy, like build your own sandwich or finger food potluck. Something that doesn’t take a ton of prep and won’t be too much to add to your plate (ha! Pun intended). Invite your neighbor or a family from your kids school over or just have an open door invite for that evening. When you invite your guests, make it clear that this is just dinner and no obligation to stay after- just the chance to bless them with a meal (with no clean up afterwards).

For me, having people over for dinner feels like I need to put on a show in a sense. Appitizers, main course, dessert, drinks, all the little details. This leads to even more busy than I had originally planned. But picking a food that is easy to throw together if there are more people who show up than planned, easy to put away, and is filling, will help immensely. This could look like baked potatoes, tacos, sandwiches, or ordering a bunch of pizzas! One positive of inviting friends over in the capacity shows them that they are welcome as they are. No fancy anything means it’s easier to come to the table no matter what is going on in life. This is what it’s about.

Growing up, I always felt that my parents would never say no if I ask for our friends to stay for dinner. My memory may be fuzzy but I don’t actually really remember asking, just knowing they were always welcome. My mom and dad had the most welcoming loving home. It was a come as you are house- and still is actually.

I strive to be that way. My son’s friends will always be welcome to stay for meals. I welcome my friends to swing by for a cup of tea. I may not plan my weekends out but part of that is because welcoming in those who drop by unexpectedly, gives us a chance to show them how much we love them.

I guess all of that to say, we didn’t actually touch on those big event, Garden parties, holiday events, Superbowl (go Hawks!)  Party, you name it. Those events, those tend to fill up the calendar.

This goes back to what we were talking about a few weeks ago. Take some time look at your calendar. Find maybe 2-4 weekends this year that you can plan events. 4 events, one a quarter, will give a great opportunity to have your people over, while still not filling up every weekend with another event. The weekday friendship building causal dinners will fill that need to host, and grow your table longer.

Long story, short, I think the key to growing your hosting and hospitality in your home is to make it less formal, more casual, less about impression, more about come as you are.  We may hold to our boundaries of no-plan-weekends, but that gives us little moments throughout the rest of the week to have someone over for coffee in the afternoon sun.